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Dec. 22nd, 2008

i still think peter morén has one the greatest voices of all time.

Dec. 14th, 2008

in the calm, taking stories from your eyes
for me to see
but everytime the wind blows back my hair
I can hear your voice ringing in the air
you can win me back, win me back, win me back, win me back
but I believe in love I guess and you believe in loneliness
and now my constellations rise
to have you back by my side
around the street where I grew up
I learned the truth of who I was
but I sailed too far out to sea
and there's nothing left for me
and there's no home to call your own
and fire so cold as I was stoned
and I sailed too far out to sea
and there is no one left for me
so i have to write my dream just now so i won't forget--

it all started when i was planning to ride my bike from my parents' house to a house all the way across town apparently (an old friend, monica's house) for some kind of party.  but i didn't actually ride my bike-- instead i was hopping over every single fence and going through peoples' backyards until i got there.  i have no idea what i did with my bike, because i remember riding it up to her house on her street.  it was really difficult and intense, and it was like a maze cause i had no idea where i was and which direction to keep going.  but since it was a dream, i made it there somehow, like hours later.  i remember two of my old friends from high school showed up at the doorstep the same time, but then i realized that i was wearing some horrible shirt-- it was like an oversized sleep-shirt.  so i said "i'll be right back, i'm going to get monica a present, like a bottle of wine or something"...and of course i was really going to ride my bike/jump fences all the way home so i could change into a less embarassing shirt.  the journey back to my parents' house was even more intense, this time i was going through peoples' houses as if it was normal.  so again my bike disappeared, and i was just jumping fences through what seemed like hundreds of houses.  then i got to one house and went through the living room to get to the front.  some lady (who looked like this moroccan friend of my brother, i only saw a picture of her yesterday) just smiled and i went through.  then, once in the front yard, a light purple horse (or pony?) was running down the street.  i'm terrified of horses, so i ran back in that lady's house and told her there was a horse/pony that was loose.  she freaked out and ran outside to see.  then out of nowhere some short, chubby scene kid with black-rimmed glasses came out of nowhere and seemed to be deaf or something, but he was mouthing obscenities.  i think he put that lady's little dog in front of the horse and it grabbed it in its mouth and started running away with it.  the lady was freaking out and then a group of her friends came outside and started beating the hell out of the scene kid.  i just watched in horror as they bashed his head into the street and basically beat him until he was completely unconscious and covered in blood.  i started running through peoples' houses until i ended up in mine somehow.  i closed the door and locked it and slowly walked around the house to make sure it was mine.  i was about to change my shirt (still planning to go to that party still, wtf?) and was washing my hands when i saw a policeman looking at me through the window telling me to come outside.  i saw the whole group of people outside (and no trace of the beaten scene kid) and i thought i was going to be questioned as a witness.  instead, the cop told me that he heard my bike tire had a blowout.  i didn't remember it even having a blowout, but they insisted that it did and told me they got me something new.  in the corner of the yard, there were two disney-ish bikes(?) sitting there.  one was like a wall-e motorcycle and the other was like a mini sesame street school bus.  i remember thinking, "but these are for toddlers!" but they said the bus was for me and to try it out.  we all got inside and started driving and it was sooo fast, it went like 80 mph!  and we were somehow driving under parked cars.  it was the coolest feeling ever.  then i woke up...

and then i fell back asleep and was dreaming that i was telling some people (i think my mom was there) about that dream. 

a dream within a dream...that's so typical of me.

my head is a jukebox 2

today, wednesday, for the past hour:

the sesame street theme song.  FHSGHSBGRDFBNIRUNBSVN

Nov. 24th, 2008

I've seen it all, I have seen the trees,
I've seen the willow leaves dancing in the breeze
I've seen a friend killed by a friend,
And lives that were over before they were spent.
I've seen what I was - I know what I'll be
I've seen it all - there is no more to see!

You haven't seen elephants, kings or Peru!
I'm happy to say I had better to do
What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall?
All walls are great, if the roof doesn't fall!

And the man you will marry?
The home you will share?
To be honest, I really don't care...

You've never been to Niagara Falls?
I have seen water, its water, that's all...
The Eiffel Tower, the Empire State?
My pulse was as high on my very first date!
Your grandson's hand as he plays with your hair?
To be honest, I really don't care...

I've seen it all, I've seen the dark
I've seen the brightness in one little spark.
I've seen what I chose and I've seen what I need,
And that is enough, to want more would be greed.
I've seen what I was and I know what I'll be
I've seen it all - there is no more to see!

You've seen it all and all you have seen
You can always review on your own little screen
The light and the dark, the big and the small
Just keep in mind - you need no more at all
You've seen what you were and know what you'll be
You've seen it all - there is no more to see! 

I caught your hands under our table

How far away is sleep now
In between the sheets it’s cool
Hidden under blankets of plastic and cellophane blue
The temperature is rising
And I will fake a fever too
There are still so many things I wouldn’t do
I feel like I am naked
An emperor without his clothes
And still my hands are shaking
Broken with an overdose
On chemicals I’m burning
Drunk deadly and old
And still there’s something here
That leaves me cold

He’s awake now
I know that he’s awake now
I’m awake now
He knows that I’m awake now
We’re awake now
We know that it is over
And it is obvious now
Still we’re waiting

Close enough to smell it
Take a deep breath relax
Out upon the stairway
It’s frozen and it shines like glass
We’ve been sleeping through September
And we’re brittle as the frozen grass
And still I think I know I’m coming back

What if I’m wrong?
I could be wrong...


Itinerary for:
Flight:         Delta Air Lines flight 1400  (Non-Stop)
Depart:         San Antonio, TX (SAT) - TERMINAL 1
'               Thu, Dec 25 at 3:50pm
Arrive:         Atlanta, GA (ATL) - SOUTH TERMINAL
'               Thu, Dec 25 at 7:22pm
Seats:                  17E, 17D (McDonnell Douglas MD88 Jet)
Meal:           Continental Breakfast
Status:         Confirmation Code  RYIAGW
Flight:         Delta Air Lines flight 176  (Non-Stop)
Depart:         Atlanta, GA (ATL) - SOUTH TERMINAL
'               Thu, Dec 25 at 8:20pm
Arrive:         Dublin, Ireland (DUB) - Terminal Information Unavailable
'               Fri, Dec 26 at 9:05am
Seats:                  19A, 19B (Boeing 767 Jet)
Meal:           Dinner
Status:         Confirmation Code  RYIAGW
Flight:         Delta Air Lines flight 177  (Non-Stop)
Depart:         Dublin, Ireland (DUB) - Terminal Information Unavailable
'               Fri, Jan 02 at 10:50am
Arrive:         Atlanta, GA (ATL) - SOUTH TERMINAL
'               Fri, Jan 02 at 3:10pm
Seats:                  36G, 36F (Boeing 767 Jet)
Meal:           Lunch
Status:         Confirmation Code  RYIAGW

Flight:         Delta Air Lines flight 3651 operated by SKYWEST AIRLINES
Depart:         Atlanta, GA (ATL) - SOUTH TERMINAL
'               Fri, Jan 02 at 9:50pm
Arrive:         San Antonio, TX (SAT) - TERMINAL 1
'               Fri, Jan 02 at 11:19pm
Seats:                  9D, 9C (Canadair Regional Jet)
Meal:           No Meal Served
Status:         Confirmation Code  RYIAGW

Aug. 3rd, 2008

there's a shark deep down under
I try to call her name
but the dark waters between us
makes me call in vain

surfing on the surface
with my fingers in the water

but she seems to have lost her
interest in meat

I miss you all the time
though you sit next to me
I hope you feel just fine
wherever you may be
whatever's in your way

among the few indulgent sailors
I am the patient one
you're the muse
so involved with
the fingers in your hair

i miss you all the time...

I pray for you
for your return
in me you will forever burn

i do confess

so needy of comfort
but too raw to be embraced
undo this privacy
and put me in my place
And without a sound
my heart in your hand
I've lost my speech
it remains in your hair